Independence Day 2020

Happy Birthday to me!  Yes, today I turn 42 years old.  I always see a live fireworks show and spend time with my family.  As with everything else during this "unprecedented time" this year is a little different.  There will be a live fireworks show tonight, but since we're supposed to stay in our cars to watch it, I feel like we should just stay home and I'll watch the Macy's version on TV.  

Yesterday, we went to my brother's house and celebrated his birthday (April), my niece's birthday (May), my dad's birthday (June), and my birthday with an ice cream party and some small fireworks.  The cousins got to play together for the first time in over a month and we all got to have face-to-face conversations instead of text messages or Bluetooth phone calls while driving somewhere.  

Recent phone calls with friends have centered around the rapidly approaching school year (didn't one just end?) and what things may look like as far as distance learning and childcare goes.  While there is complete stupidity on the news with college students in Alabama having parties to see who can catch COVID 19 first, there is also unsettling local instances that the virus is at our doorstep.  

A team of workers at one library branch had to do home quarantine about a month ago, and now an entirely different branch has had to close because of exposure.  Last night, I found out that someone who works in my office building has tested positive for the virus, which made me very upset.  I don't think I have worked the same days recently, but how long are the germs lingering around?  Did I just unknowingly expose my entire family at our birthday gathering yesterday?  We were all outside the majority of the time, but we all hugged and ate together (saliva spreads it).  Should I stop going into the office and go back to only working from home?  Do I need to get retested myself to see if I am a carrier?  How many times will insurance cover one person getting tested?

My husband and I got tested a few weeks ago because of the "outbreak" in Hammond bars and one of his coworkers was ill for a few days.  Thankfully, no one actually had the virus at his work and our tests came back negative.  Our daughter has been going to summer camp since they opened in June and while young kids aren't the high-risk category you hear about on the news, there's no way to know how careful other parents are being at home even though the actual camp and counselors are taking lots of precautions.  

I hope this year has a sparkle to it in some way sooner than later.  Right now it's in the small things.  I had my birthday tradition of a custard fruit tart for breakfast with my immediate family.  Yesterday I spent time with my side of the extended family, and last night we started watching "Hamilton" on Disney+.  I slept pretty well, and plan on relaxing all day at home.  

Happy Fourth of July, everybody!

Phase 2

Summer camp has finally started!  Y'all, when the meteorologists kept talking up TS Cristobal I was hoping it was just going to blow over.  We see now that didn't happen, but when camp officially started on Tuesday, I'm sure I was one of many parents who rejoiced and relished in the uninterrupted quiet for seven hours. 

I am still working from home, but I'm also experimenting with going into the office a bit more this week just because I can now.  There is a quiz on either the state or the governor's website that is for anyone to assess whether or not they should return to work yet.  Unfortunately, no matter how many times I changed my answers a smidge (Hashimoto's (autoimmune) disease, my allergy symptoms), me having asthma continuously puts me at 'high risk' and I should still be working from home as much as possible.  Maybe I'm making a mistake, but I want to keep going into the office.  I think I probably shouldn't be running errands; like, my job isn't putting me at risk but going out in public in general is.  

I would like to take the antibody test to see if I've already had the virus. Just before this was about to become the weirdest time of our lives, my daughter and I both got sick.  I felt ill enough that I used a lot of sick time from work; however, I never had fever so I wasn't eligible to get tested back then.  My allergist gave me a new inhaler and my symptoms improved; although, the nurse at the office gave me wide eyes when I mentioned I was having trouble breathing.  My daughter had a very slight fever and a cough and went to the doctor twice, but never the shortness of breath.  Together, our symptoms would have gotten us both tested, but separately we didn't meet the criteria at the time.  Now I think anyone who wants to get tested can.  

Anyway, phase two has introduced the current and more hopeful "new normal" for us.  I am looking forward to a routine that includes being healthier mentally and physically.  Days that I go into the office - the ones that my assistant isn't there, my child is at camp, and my husband is at work - will be just like a pre-COVID life workday during the school year.  Days that I work from home can include a walk or a bike ride at some point in addition to getting my thoughts together without interruption.  One friend said that if their kid is awake, they're talking.  Mine is the same way.  We mean that lovingly, of course, but there is also a lot to be said for uninterrupted thinking. 

The next thing to decide is how many face masks does one need.  I mean, it is the new fashion accessory these days, and I'm all about accessories!  

Moving Right Along

There is something perfect about a rainy summer afternoon.  When it's as hot and humid as it's been a good thunderstorm like we experienced today restores balance.  It also means I don't have to go outside and sweat while staring into the sun playing catch, or getting attacked by mosquitoes while we attempt whatever other sports in the yard.  Yes, that sounds terrible and also like I don't enjoy sports or being outside.  Quite the contrary, but I do not like the heat.  Once temperatures rise to the mid-80s, I tap out.

Today we took a fairly big step in the right direction concerning moving.  Actually, the day that hubs got a new real estate agent for his place in Scott was even bigger than this, but today we got a mini-storage!  We've only been talking about it for over a year...

I've mentioned previously that our daughter's bedroom was my former art studio.  When I bought the condo we live in, I was single and it was the perfect "starter home" for me.  Our now almost six-and-a-half year old needs more space, and I don't have a great spot or the time to do many art projects anymore.  Plus, having extra storage is forcing me to truly purge and organize what I truly want to keep.  For me at least, one of the blessings of motherhood is having a better grasp of what I spend time caring about. 

It's a family trait on my side to hoard and half finish projects.  My dad, my husband, and my sister-in-law all have to put up with their partner's ADD and clutter - but we're all creative and resourceful!  Seriously, though, and as odd as it may sound, I am glad to have the fire lit under me to really get this organizing and moving process, well, moving along!  And what better time to do something like this than a long weekend and while  I'm still mostly working from home. 

As we're likely all learning in one way or another during this unprecedented (hehe, nod to Jim Gaffigan) time - baby steps.  Everyone doesn't have to happen at once and the more we can slow down our thoughts and actions the more we can be in the present and see what is truly important. 

Persevering

We are now in week seven of this crazy new life.  I have since become a grumpy, (more) judgy, germaphobe compared to my old self.

I do think that part of my mental state is what it is because we are already cramped in this condo.  If we had a real yard and more square footage to spread out in, I think I'd lose my cool less and likely be feel more relaxed.  That's how I feel when I have visited my parents at least, and their house is almost three times the size of where we live.

After a week-long spring break, we're back to virtual classroom learning. Thankfully, there are only a few weeks left of school. The other night I registered her for summer camps, assuming they'll take place.  Of course, now with the extended stay at home order, I wonder if they'll happen at all. If not, this is going to be a very long summer.

When my husband got home from work today I just broke down and cried. Now I'm having a glass of wine. So many things and people needed my attention today, I feel like I've been playing an all day game of Twister and it's exhausting.

The longer this stay at home, live with all these restrictions goes on, the less I see a silver lining. Yes, I'm depressed and deal with anxiety regularly; however, I also am not able to imagine when or how things will go back to what they used to be. Honestly, I don't think they'll ever be exactly how they used to. Part of me is okay with that, but the not knowing what to expect at all is what's making me crazy. Practicing yoga - staying in the present moment - and getting enough exercise (which is not happening) will help, I know. Thankfully, I am able to do zoom yoga through work once a week. It's the only program I have going right now.  Planning a completely virtual summer reading program for the library is not easy since we supply everything that's needed for patrons, but I think it will all work out somehow.

Changing how our brains work that is the hardest part of all of this.  If anyone has any suggestions on how to balance the demands this is making on so many of us, please share. I'm sure we can all use a different perspective.  In the meantime, cheers!

Sunday Evening Post

It's hard to believe we are entering week four of this surreal life.  The learning from home is going pretty well.  Our girl loves that she gets to use the computer all the time, but sometimes her dad and I have scanning issues, like remembering to scan and submit her assignments.  There has only been one day so far that I felt that there was too much work assigned. 

The latest stay at home date of April 30 leaves only two weeks of the school year left before she would have her kindergarten graduation ceremony.  I will be surprised if schools reopen at all this school year, and wonder if the ceremony will be rescheduled at some point.  To be honest, none of us had kindergarten graduations and we were none the wiser.  Maybe the same will work out for this class.  The performance and ceremony for her Pre-K class were absolutely precious so we have that to look back on. 

Working from home is proving to be a constant challenge for me.  While it is awesome to remote into my desktop at the office, I think not having everything that I need in one place (that's also big enough to store and organize it) to do my job makes it that much harder to concentrate.  Also, when I'm at my office, I don't have a person who needs constant attention or help with something.  I do have an assistant who likes to chat, but she's an adult and doesn't feel it necessary to have a running commentary about life.  Yes, I'm being sarcastic, obviously, but also serious. 

All of that being said, the longer this goes on, the more my perspective changes (as I'm sure it does for all of us).  I would never have guessed this would last as long as it has; therefore, I did not plan ahead as far as supplies go.  We have not run out of toilet paper or anything like that, thankfully, but we will run out of flushable wipes and Lysol wipes before it's all over.  I also wish we had a box of disposable latex gloves - one reason is that I will be dying my hair pink this week and the stuff I ordered did not come with any!  The other reason is for when we have to run to the store, although I am grateful for the wipes that every store is providing at the entrances.  And I love getting to see our girl grow up mentally and physically.  She's an amazing little human!

Soundtrack

Music has played an integral part in my life.  I can't think of anyone who hasn't been affected by a song even if they prefer quiet.  This morning as a shot of self-care, I set up the Bluetooth speaker and listened to my Amazon playlist while I showered.  What a difference that made!

The little person of the house, aka The Governor, already has her own taste in tunes.  She also does not like it when I sing and definitely does not like it when I dance.  She has been told but doesn't understand when I was in college, friends and I would go to the Varsity every Thursday night and dance on the front of the stage for hours.  I think it was called "Retro Night", so of course I dressed in-theme wearing seventies and vintage clothes. 

Some songs that have really stuck with me over time and why:

Ingrid Michaelson's "Afterlife" is so appropriate for the current events right now.  I know I discovered her post-college, but I can't remember exactly how or where.

Eliza and the Delusionals is a newly discovered band. The singer is young, but that girl's got some lungs! This would have totally been one of my theme songs when I was dating in my twenties and early thirties - "Just Exist".

Katy Perry's "Wide Awake" is a video and a song that I can watch and listen to over and over to this day.  There are definitely two relationships that this is the theme song for.  While every part of life makes us who we are today, I also hope that my daughter is not as naive as I was when she dates.  That quote about doing the same thing over and over expecting different results means your insane is very true.  Giving up your entire lifestyle for another person or trying to change who you are (as cliche' as that is) is also a horrible idea and should never happen.  Stay strong.  No one is worth all that.

"Sweet Disposition" by The Temper Trap is one of my favorites because it makes me dance, but also because I remember it almost as a signifier that I was in love with my now-husband.  It came on one day when we were getting ready for a date and it was maybe the first time in years that I danced as my true skilless self and didn't care what I looked like.  For whatever reason, I got very self-conscious about dancing in front of other people in my mid to late twenties, so I was very freeing to feel that safe again.

The Cure's "Just Like Heaven" is an older favorite of mine. I think I was introduced to them at the beginning of high school.  A track teammate of mine introduced me to a lot of "alternative" music.  He was actually my first date, but I ended it early because I was bored. He was always really snarky with me after that, which I guess was his defense mechanism but he was still someone I interacted with regularly because of track and cross country meets.  Bands like Psychadelic Furs, Pearl Jam, Dinosaur Jr. and Alice in Chains were some of the other bands I learned about from him.  Either sophomore or junior year of high school, I went to homecoming without a date and my friend Rachel and I danced to "Just Like Heaven" without abandon in the gym.  It was another one of those incredibly freeing moments.

What musicians have influenced you over the years?  Is there a song that makes you want to get up and dance, stirs up deep emotions, or always brings a smile to your face?  If you're a parent, what do you think of the songs your offspring listen to?  I will say that our parents did not listen to the lyrics of some of what we listened to growing up - there's no way!  So many lyrics are obviously about drugs or sex, but I don't remember being censored.  Anyway, jam on!

Life School

Each day of the "new normal" is getting better.  Today is especially improved because my hubby is home from work, too.  Single parenting is hard, even when you're technically not a single parent - they're just at work for the day.  

I've discovered that I really don't know my way around the kitchen.  Baking has long been my jam but I never wanted to learn how to cook.  My mom offered several times to teach me growing up, but I always had something else I wanted to be doing.  Since I'm working from home now I figure that I should be fixing the meals so the hubby gets a break after he's been working in a hot warehouse all day.  He's always in a warehouse and I'm always in the air conditioning, but my brain says that since I'm home and he's not, I should be the cook. Silver lining: I'm expanding my skill set and learning more recipes.  

I have also gained respect for the amount of time he spends washing dishes.  We have a galley kitchen and it is very small.  There is hardly any counter space so prepping anything, even a sandwich, is cramped.  More than one person in there at a time can cause claustrophobia or at least, an elbow to a hanging pot or the dishrack, if not the other person in there with you.  The single basin sink fills with dirty dishes quickly and while the dishwasher gets run just about every other night, there is still a lot of handwashing that needs to happen so the most often used pots are available for cooking dinner.  

Last but not least, I have a better idea of what stay-at-home parents do every day.  It is quite different now that our girl is older and can do so much for herself.  When she was an infant and I was craving social interaction but didn't want to pack her and all of her stuff up to go out, my perspective was much different.  Trying to do chores, decluttering projects, fix meals, work from home, and help her with school assignments, I don't understand how regular stay-at-home parents get anything accomplished.  I have yet to practice much self-care, although I am trying to do something small every day.  

Other than the lifestyle learning curve and allergies, we are doing pretty well with all of this.  I hope you and your peeps are, too!