Drowning Either Way

Last week was rough.  In fact, it seems as though the last two or three weeks have been getting progressively worse.  The thing that has been changing most is work, but I also think in general that I'm getting more depressed.  

Yesterday I cried.  Then I met up with my peeps at Liz's Where Ya At for frozen adult beverages in the new yard.  Today I'm better, although still not myself.  At one point yesterday afternoon, I was feeling philosophical and journaled about the two worst years I could think of - 2005 and 2020.  

The year of Big K, I moved across the country for a guy. We had long-distance dated for a year so we thought we were ready to be roommates and started talking about a wedding.  We learned very quickly that was not the case at all, but I had already given up everything to make it work. Admitting failure was really hard even though it was a very unhealthy relationship. That was March of 2005.  Katrina happened in August of 2005.  My parents and brother and aunt and uncle all helped my grandpa clean out his house that was destroyed by floodwaters near UNO.  It was heartbreaking and it was a terrible turning point for him.  The one small bright spot I remember from that year was that it sleeted on Christmas.  My brother and I were both at our parents and we went out in the yard and took a picture of it collecting in a tree.  

This year, while we're not literally drowning in floodwaters (although we may be after this week thanks to two storms in the Gulf at once - wth, Mother Nature?!), I feel like we're drowning in stuff.  Mental stuff, physical stuff, emotional stuff.  All the time we have at home and to think nowadays actually makes me sadder because there is no place to go when you need a quiet or a mental break.  Then I see all the crap everywhere that is mini-projects taunting me because I don't want to be doing chores all the time when I'm not at the office.  Before COVID times, we would go on field trips or weekend adventures to get away from our tiny, cluttered home.  That doesn't happen anymore.  

While I'm still not as depressed as I was in 2005, this year seems to be dragging on and phase two is going to be our way of life even into next year.  I hope that is not actually the case, but I also don't have much hope for an entrance into phase three without a step backward into phase two before it's all over.  That's my Debbie Downer for the day.  I'll be over here painting a sign with red glitter to bring some sparkle into my life that says, "FFS".  If you don't know what that stands for, you probably shouldn't ask because you won't like it.  It's my current attitude/mood.   

Self Care is Hard

If I made a mental list from my head to my toes, starting after a morning shower, I would likely still be working on things at 6 p.m.  That's how much self-care I normally don't do so it's more than just maintenance that needs doing.  The work from home life, even though it's just a few days a week, makes me much less concerned about what my eyebrows look like or if my fingernails are filed.  CBS Sunday Morning reported that deodorant sales are down during the pandemic - I haven't gotten that bad yet.  

As I age, my eyebrows are actually much easier to keep up with.  It's just a few strays on the outer edges - the middle got trained to stop growing, for the most part, a long time ago.  Leg and underarm hair seem to be growing faster as I age and unfortunately, also not thinning or becoming less coarse.  Overall, my nails and skin are getting drier - except for my forehead - and my scalp hair is changing texture.  

Over the years, I have invested in many skin products and lotions before finally getting the lowdown from my dermatologist, who set me on the right track.  Of course, I bought expensive products from her which I religiously used for the first month or two and then lost my zeal so they just sit on the bathroom counter losing potency.  I just read that Vitamin C lotion doesn't last very long to begin with, and mine has definitely changed color since I started with it.  

I've never been a girly-girl, but I realize especially because I'm a mom, that it's important to take care of myself.  That doesn't make it any easier to accomplish these things I know I should do, though.  Back to this morning: I showered, put the expensive (and probably expired) serums on my face, and trimmed and filed my fingernails.  What I didn't get around to was exfoliating my hands and elbows, putting lotion on my appendages, and most certainly not painting my fingernails a new color.  The main reason I got to do the few things I did do is that my mother-in-law kept our kid for us the whole weekend.  On a school morning, the only way I may get around to lotioning my face is if I spend an extra half hour back at home after carline.  

I know I'm not alone in this struggle, but how are we supposed to keep up with all the things our skin and body needs without sacrificing a significant amount of time?  Even if I would work from home every day or from here on out, I know that I'm just not disciplined enough to make any of this a habit.  The same can be said for any kind of fitness routine.  I need to get 30 minutes of exercise every day, and I know that it doesn't have to be all at once, which makes it even easier to accomplish, but I still don't do it.  It's one of those things that I hope my daughter does much better at than I do when she grows up, but setting the example for her is important, too.