We are now in week seven of this crazy new life. I have since become a grumpy, (more) judgy, germaphobe compared to my old self.
I do think that part of my mental state is what it is because we are already cramped in this condo. If we had a real yard and more square footage to spread out in, I think I'd lose my cool less and likely be feel more relaxed. That's how I feel when I have visited my parents at least, and their house is almost three times the size of where we live.
After a week-long spring break, we're back to virtual classroom learning. Thankfully, there are only a few weeks left of school. The other night I registered her for summer camps, assuming they'll take place. Of course, now with the extended stay at home order, I wonder if they'll happen at all. If not, this is going to be a very long summer.
When my husband got home from work today I just broke down and cried. Now I'm having a glass of wine. So many things and people needed my attention today, I feel like I've been playing an all day game of Twister and it's exhausting.
The longer this stay at home, live with all these restrictions goes on, the less I see a silver lining. Yes, I'm depressed and deal with anxiety regularly; however, I also am not able to imagine when or how things will go back to what they used to be. Honestly, I don't think they'll ever be exactly how they used to. Part of me is okay with that, but the not knowing what to expect at all is what's making me crazy. Practicing yoga - staying in the present moment - and getting enough exercise (which is not happening) will help, I know. Thankfully, I am able to do zoom yoga through work once a week. It's the only program I have going right now. Planning a completely virtual summer reading program for the library is not easy since we supply everything that's needed for patrons, but I think it will all work out somehow.
Changing how our brains work that is the hardest part of all of this. If anyone has any suggestions on how to balance the demands this is making on so many of us, please share. I'm sure we can all use a different perspective. In the meantime, cheers!
Well, at least I hope you're drinking good wine... ;)
ReplyDeleteYou're not alone by any means with your feelings. I know your physical surrounding has much to do with your upset, but all of our routines are out the window! I'm depressed because I'm not seeing people/friends from all the classes I participate in associated with church life.
The unknowns having to do with "what's coming" is different this time around, considering the come back after "9/11" and then the horrifying Hurricane Katrina just four years later. After Katrina, I thought everyone saying "New Orleans is back" was way too premature, and this time, as much as I want to return to the old normal, I think it's too premature again, especially if everyone gets sick again/keeps getting sick.
The new normal won't ever be the same as the old normal - re: 9/11 and Katrina. That blows big time - and I don't know how many times we'll have to go through this in our lifetimes - but three times in the first twenty years of this century is certainly way too much!
My heart goes out to you my love, but we WILL GET THROUGH THIS!
Love you, Dad!
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