It's My Body and I Can Cry if I Want To

Back when we weren't sure, and then when we had just found out about being pregnant, I was so bloated after every meal! That's why I thought I was experiencing IBS or had some other stomach ailment.  I didn't just have the "just ate too many donuts" look that you read about.  It was true discomfort, plus hoping people didn't notice, plus some tummy nausea.  Looking back on that, it's amusing how little I was showing at the time.  When I'd get upset, though (yay, crazy hormones!), I thought I was so huge! No lie, ask my fiance' how many times I referred to myself as being horribly out of proportion.  I was terrible to myself.

Now I'm nearing the end.  Looking down is one thing, but seeing how far my belly sticks out in a mirror blows my mind.  It makes me happy though because there's no doubt I'm pregnant, and I know our beautiful little baby is growing in there.  Standing up straight, I can no longer see my feet.  Of course, you can cheat and bend over, but that doesn't count.  Or if it makes you feel better, it does count.  You're entitled to feel whatever you want about your body because it's yours.  

So far, I think I've gained about 25 lbs.  Everyone says, "It's all baby".  It is, thankfully, but I do still wonder if I'll be the same size I used to be one day.  When I pull on my maternity pants, I tell my fiance' that I feel like I'm putting on my clown pants.  It's just because they come up so high.  The full hidden belly, or whatever it's called, is my favorite style.  The low riders and partial belly feel like they're falling off of me all the time.  Anyway, it's like I'm a stick figure with a beach ball for a belly, hence the circus reference.  It's funny to us.  

At this point, belly is getting heavy.  Getting dressed is complicated and frustrating sometimes.  It's hard to get comfortable to sleep.  This morning, at 5 AM, our baby decided it was Jazzercise time or something.  I woke up because I was so hot - nearly sweating - but quickly realized how much she was moving, thus creating lots of heat.  Part of me wants to be able to wear my regular clothes again and feel unrestricted in my daily physical activities.  The other part of me loves having our baby with me all day while I'm at work. Talking to her, feeling her move all day, and imagining she's doing silly things is all wonderful.  I know it will break my heart when it's time to go back to work and I drop her off at daycare everyday.  I will miss her terribly and feel like I'm missing out on so many things, but that's another entry for later down the road.