Stereotyping?

Originally written October 1, 2014

So many men think my daughter's a girl. Why just men and why in general? She looks like a girl to me.

 

I thought wearing a headband might help, but even then, an older man kept asking if she was a boy.

 

Since it's always men who make this faux pas, I wonder if society is still expecting a man's world.  That makes me think of Mad Men and chauvinistic males. 

 

Side note: Today I learned that women are not allowed to be Navy SEALs because of certain organs.  Discriminatory?  Or safety precaution?

 

Point being, why are girls always thought to wear bows, pink, and ruffles?  Did you know that in the history of baby colors, boys used to wear pink?  The trend moved from that to all babies wearing white, and to today's thinking boys are in blue and girls are in pink. 

 

I'm definitely NOT a gender neutral extreme parent, and I do love cute girly outfits for my babe, but I also don't feel that just because I don't put a bow on her head every day that it should be assumed she's a boy.  My sister-in-law has the same problem but even more so with my niece.  She puts a headband on her all the time and she still gets questioned for being a boy!  It's crazy.  Why do men expect babies to be boys?  Women never get it wrong in grocery stores, doctor's office waiting rooms, the library, etc.  Every single woman seems to automatically know my daughter's a girl. 

 

Anyone have a good explanation?  Does your son ever get mistaken for a girl?  What do you do when that happens? 

Venting

Between my daughter and myself, I don't even have a full day of sick leave from work.  To make up the time I needed for sinusitis last week, I've had to work both Friday and Saturday last weekend and this weekend.  On top of that, dealing with the general public (many of whom seem completely helpless) is draining no matter what.  I'm still easily tired, and my daughter's cough and chest rattle are stressing me out. Thankfully, my husband is taking her to the doctor on Monday morning to see if there's anything we can do besides her nebulizer or inhaler.  Maybe she has RSV, we have no idea.  Just hearing her cough and seeing her look so tired makes me sad that there's nothing we know to do to make her better.  

In other news, you may have seen on Facebook that there was some major drama involving alcohol last weekend.  Everything/one is on the right track now, thank God!  But here's my stance on things: once you get married, there are going to be things that you may have enjoyed while you were single that can no longer be indulged.  Once you have a kid and you intend on being a responsible parent, you can't party till all hours of the night and come home drunk and unable to remember anything.  Or maybe that's fine with your spouse, but it doesn't fly in my house.  Anyway, like I said, we're recovering and it seems as though everything will be fine.  The situation is making us stronger and better as a couple. 

But then there's always my husband's work schedule.  Let me just say, if you don't already know, shift work sucks (probably anyway), but especially if you have a family.  This week we see each other briefly in the morning before our daughter and I leave for school and work (respectively), and at night, we're already asleep by the time he gets home.  Next week, he'll work overnights and while he's around to help in the evenings getting baby to bed, and in the mornings to help get her ready for school so I can get ready for work, he's so tired and there's not much time for bonding left.  The shift I think both of us prefer he work is the one that's 6a-3p.  She's easy in the morning as long as you make a bottle for breakfast the night before.  Getting her to bed, feeding myself, and trying to get anything else done before my bedtime is a lot after a whole day at work and when it's just you. 

And to end on a happy note, she's taken her first crawl - just a few short "steps" - and is trying to pull herself up.  She loves standing while holding onto her crib or playpen or leaning up against the floor mirror in our bedroom.  She'll be eleven months old on Christmas Day, so her first birthday party is already getting planned for January.  It's exciting!

Time Is Flying!

How are we already in Thanksgiving week?!   Last night we had the privilege to attend the Celebration in the Oaks Family Preview Party for free.  It was a really nice experience since it was much less crowded than a regular night. We got to ride the train and see all the lights (except in the Botanical Garden, which wasn't ready/open yet); which is really hard to do during regular Celebration in the Oaks hours because it always sells out before I get there!  She instinctively waived at Santa, and said hey....then again, we also told her to waive and all the other kids were doing it. 

Of course, the chilly fall temps have left us, so it doesn't feel super seasonal this week, but it will be nice for Thanksgiving.  We're doing our typical three dinners - my in-laws at lunch, my brother's at dinner, and my cousins' on Friday.  It's going to be exciting to see lil bit with all of her cousins, especially now that she's getting more and more mobile. She'll roll, or now she's starting to scoot to get around on her own.  I keep waiting for her to crawl because she gets in position and rocks for a few minutes, but she never takes off.  Instead, she gets into rolling position and takes off that way.  She's a trip!

She's getting tons of gifts from my husband's side of the family, and we're done shopping for her, too.  Oh, our tiny home is already bursting at the seams, but it's her first Christmas!  Her first birthday is just one month later!  Her Amazon wish list is quickly dwindling.  I'm not complaining, though.  She is very loved. 

There are lots of holiday events we're hoping to do in the next few weeks, so we'll be pleasantly busy.  I'm looking forward to seeing her open presents for the first time, playing with all of her cousins, and for the family time we'll all get.  My husband and I will even get some time to ourselves, which we really need.  Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!

Family Ties and Tying Up Loose Ends

In the last post, I mentioned weight being an issue for me.  I don't know that I'm losing pounds, but I've been hearing a lot of compliments about how much smaller I look lately.  We stopped eating premade frozen dinners, except for the occasional pizza, I've tried walking more (mostly at work), and I do 25 crunches once a week.  It's nice to fit into some of my old favorite clothes again, but I've also been seriously cleaning out my closet, which is mentally freeing. 

Also, one of the families I commented about in a previous post, has seemed to clean their act up a bit.  There are now two children, and the father seems much calmer with them both - even sweetly affectionate to the newborn baby.  The mom seems more attentive, and the older child seems better behaved.  Maybe the pregnancy was just that stressful on them before.  Either way, I'm glad they seem so much happier and loving toward each other. 

Our sweet bugaboo is already 8 months old!  A friend commented the other day that her time in my belly didn't seem to go as quickly as her growing up now.  It's true! Watching our sweet bebe learn and understand things is amazing and awesome!  This morning, she put her hand up to her mouth to blow me a kiss!  As she grows, I think learning about her family is very important.  I don't have living grandparents, and all of my great aunts are gone, too; that's why her middle name is my maternal grandmother's first name. I wish I'd have known her better.  Her first name is my mom's middle name, and unbeknownst to me during the baby naming process, was also my dad's mother's name; however, she's mostly named after St. Ann, but with an 'e'.  AMB finally met some cousins on my side of the family a couple of weeks ago, including a second visit with one of my uncles and his wife.  My sister-in-law and I feel that our girls need to know where they come from and develop a good support system.  Extended family is really important to both of us. 

August

Where'd it go?  I can't believe we'll be in September on Monday!  Our sweet girl is already 7 months old and trying to crawl and sit up all by herself!

 

When working on my budget sheet for August, I realized that I hadn't been to yoga at all this month!  I also found out, after a wellness visit to my GP that my LDL is high.  For the next six months, I need to be on a low-fat diet and then I'll get to fast again for another blood test.  Oh, joy. 

 

Over the course of the last two weeks, three different people asked me if I was pregnant again or when I was due.  The first time I was just shocked, although, I knew I wasn't getting any thinner.  The second time I was really upset, and the third time I used it as a motivator to start walking in the evenings.  Well, that happened twice, but then it was getting dark too early by the time we could get out of the house, and now my allergies are severely cramping my style. 

 

I weighed myself a few days ago and discovered that I have gained 4.5 lbs..  That plus the 20 lbs. I'm still carrying around post pregnancy has had me reading about gastrointestinal issues and healthy eating without dieting - basically trying to figure out not only why I'm not losing weight, but gaining.  Is it simply because I have a desk job?  The book that I've really gotten into to help is called Joyous Health.  At first, I thought it was a bunch of hippy dippy fluff, but turns out it is really cool to know how different foods affect your body.   

 

I have not yet taken the blood test for celiac disease, but according to everything I've read online and in books - even down to bowel movements - it sure sounds like that's what I have.  That would explain the weight gain and tummy issues I've been experiencing for a while, but not the LDL.  And no, I'm not one of those jump on the bandwagon types with the gluten-free fad and I've never dieted before.  I've known a girl with a gluten sensitivity and tried some of her food; it's not a diet I'm looking forward to switching to if that does turn out to be what I have.  Plus, husband's a beer brewer, so how ironic would that be?

 

We also need to figure out if there's a connection between baby girl's eczema and her food.  The last time she was getting a check up, it was suggested that we get a blood test done to see if she's allergic to anything in her formula since she keeps getting eczema flare ups.  She's a happy little sprite, though, so at least she's not really suffering.  Of course, I just found this, which says there's no connection to food.  Life, the never ending learning experience! 

 

That's what we've been up to lately.  A few friends have deemed it "survival mode" (there are books on it, though!). Hopefully, September will include more exercise, free time, and a healthier diet for a happier momma.  However, I am very thankful for our girl's and my husband's good health!

 

Baby's First Christmas

What do you give your own kid for their first Christmas outside the womb??? Grandparents and extended family will spoil her, no doubt, and our home is already bursting at the seams!  Plus, her birthday is in January!

Here are some suggestions we've gotten from friends, which we're taking into consideration: 

Savings bonds.  We've also read into 529 plans.  College, even at a public one, is going to be expensive and as the saying goes, "it's never too early to start saving".  

The rule of 4.  Give something she needs, wants, reads, and something to wear.  I've made her a list of books on Amazon (with some other things), she needs diapers, containers to put food in once she gets more into solids (which we assume she will be by Christmas), and ummm, I can't think of anything else at the moment.  By the time Christmas and her birthday get here, she'll need more clothes, but right now she's got tons and it's a point of contention between her dad and I (storing them, that is).  As for something she wants, well, she doesn't say actual words yet, so maybe closer to Christmas we'll have a clue.  She's already got a decent collection of stuffed animals and probably a blanket for each one of them.  

Somehow, when I was celebrating my first Christmas, I had lots and lots of huge boxes to unwrap (as I've seen in photos), so what in the world was I getting?  Sister-in-law and I hit up Home Goods the other day and got things started with gifts for the girls (my niece will be celebrating her first Christmas out of the womb, too!) - a musical toy, two board books, and a bath toy set for my girl - and I'm not telling what I got for my niece because I want it to be a surprise for her parents, too!

What did you get your kid(s) for their first Christmas?

When Will I Get My Me Time?

Before I begin to vent, let me say that I love being a mother to this girl and a wife to this man.  And now, I commence.

I know all of this is normal for being a parent, first time or not, and it's a shame that it has to be this uphill battle for so long since having a family is such a blessing.  How is it that I (and I think many mothers) barely get any time to myself?  My husband still gets a decent amount, and he's not a lazy or uninvolved dad.  In fact, he's one of the most involved dad's I know by a long shot!  It's just the way things fall with our schedules.

He's often off during the week, so I'm at work and our daughter is at daycare; therefore, he gets entire days to himself.  He's not necessarily playing video games or wasting time; most of the time he's taking care of chores or running errands, but it is easier to do any of those things when you're on your own.  I'm off every other Friday/Saturday and every Sunday.  When I'm off, our daughter is also home so whether it's doing chores, paying bills, or running errands, everything is more complicated because of diaper changes and feeding and needing attention.

An example is today.  Husband went to work early to help out with a project, so from about 7 AM till about 9 PM, I have taken a 30 minute nap with our daughter; done two loads of laundry; baked lasagna not from a box; gone to the grocery; gone to Bed, Bath, and Beyond to get some things off our registry; laid out driftwood and cap and can pieces for sculptures that need to be made by August 1; put away most of our daughter's laundry; bathed our daughter; picked up a folding table from a friend for the market August 1; fed our daughter multiple times - feeding her a bottle with one hand right now and just fed her oatmeal a few minutes before (she holds her bottle sometimes, but not always); changed her diaper several times, two of which were poops; put a bag of baby items together to bring to a consignment shop sometime this week; cleaned up oatmeal from the dining area since our baby thinks it's fun to wear her food and also believes that everyone and everything else should, too.  I also washed dishes, nearly filled the dishwasher, and cleared some counter space off in the kitchen.  I still need to bathe myself, get my lunch ready for work tomorrow, and put some of my laundry away so I can actually sleep in our bed.

The upside to all this insanity is that I get to spend time with our baby girl - see and hear and make her laugh, watch her achieve her milestones, like holding her bottle, trying to sit up on her own, and waiving; hear all her shrills and shrieks and other sounds she likes to make; watch her interact with her toys; show her off when we run errands; tell her how much I love her; and kiss her and put her to bed every night.  Her daddy doesn't get to do all that nearly as often, especially putting her to bed at night.

This isn't newborn hard - nothing is as tough as that was! - but this isn't easy.  I've even toyed with the idea of working part time just so we could eat dinner at a semi-normal time instead of 9 PM or later many nights, and to have more time to work with our daughter's physical achievements like tummy time, working toward crawling, and introducing more solid foods.  When she's at daycare, I could run errands, finish the several art projects I have laying around, actually finish reading a book, make phone calls that I usually have to make on my lunch breaks.

See, my lunch break isn't mine either.  At the beginning, I'd go visit her at daycare because I missed her.  I still miss her, but she's getting to the point that she knows if I'm not there.  Then I had to go to give her her inhaler for a couple of weeks.  Now I have to get gas, call doctors and or insurance companies or make other business hour phone calls that I can't make when I get off work because everything of that nature closes at 4:30 or 5.

I've just put her to bed, which she and I are both very happy about, but my husband just walked in the door and again, any chance of "me time" is squashed.  Thankfully, he needed a shower so I can at least finish this post before starting to do things once again - serve dinner, talk about our day, be affectionate, and superficially ignore the fact that our love life isn't wonderful because we are tired or stressed.  It's no wonder I can't lose these last twenty pounds, am fighting a sinus infection, and feel just as unrested as any other day after a weekend.  By the way, we can't afford me to work part time so full time it is.  Ah, the life of a parent. Yet, I still can't close the door on the idea of possibly having another child one day. We'll see, though....right now, we're definitely good with just one!