Persevering

We are now in week seven of this crazy new life.  I have since become a grumpy, (more) judgy, germaphobe compared to my old self.

I do think that part of my mental state is what it is because we are already cramped in this condo.  If we had a real yard and more square footage to spread out in, I think I'd lose my cool less and likely be feel more relaxed.  That's how I feel when I have visited my parents at least, and their house is almost three times the size of where we live.

After a week-long spring break, we're back to virtual classroom learning. Thankfully, there are only a few weeks left of school. The other night I registered her for summer camps, assuming they'll take place.  Of course, now with the extended stay at home order, I wonder if they'll happen at all. If not, this is going to be a very long summer.

When my husband got home from work today I just broke down and cried. Now I'm having a glass of wine. So many things and people needed my attention today, I feel like I've been playing an all day game of Twister and it's exhausting.

The longer this stay at home, live with all these restrictions goes on, the less I see a silver lining. Yes, I'm depressed and deal with anxiety regularly; however, I also am not able to imagine when or how things will go back to what they used to be. Honestly, I don't think they'll ever be exactly how they used to. Part of me is okay with that, but the not knowing what to expect at all is what's making me crazy. Practicing yoga - staying in the present moment - and getting enough exercise (which is not happening) will help, I know. Thankfully, I am able to do zoom yoga through work once a week. It's the only program I have going right now.  Planning a completely virtual summer reading program for the library is not easy since we supply everything that's needed for patrons, but I think it will all work out somehow.

Changing how our brains work that is the hardest part of all of this.  If anyone has any suggestions on how to balance the demands this is making on so many of us, please share. I'm sure we can all use a different perspective.  In the meantime, cheers!

Sunday Evening Post

It's hard to believe we are entering week four of this surreal life.  The learning from home is going pretty well.  Our girl loves that she gets to use the computer all the time, but sometimes her dad and I have scanning issues, like remembering to scan and submit her assignments.  There has only been one day so far that I felt that there was too much work assigned. 

The latest stay at home date of April 30 leaves only two weeks of the school year left before she would have her kindergarten graduation ceremony.  I will be surprised if schools reopen at all this school year, and wonder if the ceremony will be rescheduled at some point.  To be honest, none of us had kindergarten graduations and we were none the wiser.  Maybe the same will work out for this class.  The performance and ceremony for her Pre-K class were absolutely precious so we have that to look back on. 

Working from home is proving to be a constant challenge for me.  While it is awesome to remote into my desktop at the office, I think not having everything that I need in one place (that's also big enough to store and organize it) to do my job makes it that much harder to concentrate.  Also, when I'm at my office, I don't have a person who needs constant attention or help with something.  I do have an assistant who likes to chat, but she's an adult and doesn't feel it necessary to have a running commentary about life.  Yes, I'm being sarcastic, obviously, but also serious. 

All of that being said, the longer this goes on, the more my perspective changes (as I'm sure it does for all of us).  I would never have guessed this would last as long as it has; therefore, I did not plan ahead as far as supplies go.  We have not run out of toilet paper or anything like that, thankfully, but we will run out of flushable wipes and Lysol wipes before it's all over.  I also wish we had a box of disposable latex gloves - one reason is that I will be dying my hair pink this week and the stuff I ordered did not come with any!  The other reason is for when we have to run to the store, although I am grateful for the wipes that every store is providing at the entrances.  And I love getting to see our girl grow up mentally and physically.  She's an amazing little human!

Soundtrack

Music has played an integral part in my life.  I can't think of anyone who hasn't been affected by a song even if they prefer quiet.  This morning as a shot of self-care, I set up the Bluetooth speaker and listened to my Amazon playlist while I showered.  What a difference that made!

The little person of the house, aka The Governor, already has her own taste in tunes.  She also does not like it when I sing and definitely does not like it when I dance.  She has been told but doesn't understand when I was in college, friends and I would go to the Varsity every Thursday night and dance on the front of the stage for hours.  I think it was called "Retro Night", so of course I dressed in-theme wearing seventies and vintage clothes. 

Some songs that have really stuck with me over time and why:

Ingrid Michaelson's "Afterlife" is so appropriate for the current events right now.  I know I discovered her post-college, but I can't remember exactly how or where.

Eliza and the Delusionals is a newly discovered band. The singer is young, but that girl's got some lungs! This would have totally been one of my theme songs when I was dating in my twenties and early thirties - "Just Exist".

Katy Perry's "Wide Awake" is a video and a song that I can watch and listen to over and over to this day.  There are definitely two relationships that this is the theme song for.  While every part of life makes us who we are today, I also hope that my daughter is not as naive as I was when she dates.  That quote about doing the same thing over and over expecting different results means your insane is very true.  Giving up your entire lifestyle for another person or trying to change who you are (as cliche' as that is) is also a horrible idea and should never happen.  Stay strong.  No one is worth all that.

"Sweet Disposition" by The Temper Trap is one of my favorites because it makes me dance, but also because I remember it almost as a signifier that I was in love with my now-husband.  It came on one day when we were getting ready for a date and it was maybe the first time in years that I danced as my true skilless self and didn't care what I looked like.  For whatever reason, I got very self-conscious about dancing in front of other people in my mid to late twenties, so I was very freeing to feel that safe again.

The Cure's "Just Like Heaven" is an older favorite of mine. I think I was introduced to them at the beginning of high school.  A track teammate of mine introduced me to a lot of "alternative" music.  He was actually my first date, but I ended it early because I was bored. He was always really snarky with me after that, which I guess was his defense mechanism but he was still someone I interacted with regularly because of track and cross country meets.  Bands like Psychadelic Furs, Pearl Jam, Dinosaur Jr. and Alice in Chains were some of the other bands I learned about from him.  Either sophomore or junior year of high school, I went to homecoming without a date and my friend Rachel and I danced to "Just Like Heaven" without abandon in the gym.  It was another one of those incredibly freeing moments.

What musicians have influenced you over the years?  Is there a song that makes you want to get up and dance, stirs up deep emotions, or always brings a smile to your face?  If you're a parent, what do you think of the songs your offspring listen to?  I will say that our parents did not listen to the lyrics of some of what we listened to growing up - there's no way!  So many lyrics are obviously about drugs or sex, but I don't remember being censored.  Anyway, jam on!

Life School

Each day of the "new normal" is getting better.  Today is especially improved because my hubby is home from work, too.  Single parenting is hard, even when you're technically not a single parent - they're just at work for the day.  

I've discovered that I really don't know my way around the kitchen.  Baking has long been my jam but I never wanted to learn how to cook.  My mom offered several times to teach me growing up, but I always had something else I wanted to be doing.  Since I'm working from home now I figure that I should be fixing the meals so the hubby gets a break after he's been working in a hot warehouse all day.  He's always in a warehouse and I'm always in the air conditioning, but my brain says that since I'm home and he's not, I should be the cook. Silver lining: I'm expanding my skill set and learning more recipes.  

I have also gained respect for the amount of time he spends washing dishes.  We have a galley kitchen and it is very small.  There is hardly any counter space so prepping anything, even a sandwich, is cramped.  More than one person in there at a time can cause claustrophobia or at least, an elbow to a hanging pot or the dishrack, if not the other person in there with you.  The single basin sink fills with dirty dishes quickly and while the dishwasher gets run just about every other night, there is still a lot of handwashing that needs to happen so the most often used pots are available for cooking dinner.  

Last but not least, I have a better idea of what stay-at-home parents do every day.  It is quite different now that our girl is older and can do so much for herself.  When she was an infant and I was craving social interaction but didn't want to pack her and all of her stuff up to go out, my perspective was much different.  Trying to do chores, decluttering projects, fix meals, work from home, and help her with school assignments, I don't understand how regular stay-at-home parents get anything accomplished.  I have yet to practice much self-care, although I am trying to do something small every day.  

Other than the lifestyle learning curve and allergies, we are doing pretty well with all of this.  I hope you and your peeps are, too!

COVID 19 Scare

Yeah, I'm just going to start with the obvious. What is happening??  I know the media is really good at scaring us, especially when it comes to weather, but I'm going to be honest, I'm a little concerned about having an autoimmune disease and this new strain of COVID 19.  I make a note of saying new strain because the virus has been around forever, just like the rhinovirus (the common cold).  Apparently, this strain is new and has no cure which is why it's taking people out.  Am I old?  No, but I'm not young, and the person who just died in New Orleans from COVID 19 was only 58 years old - only 16 years older than me.  There was not a specific cause of "underlying condition" mentioned, but I'm already immunocompromised with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis.

I've been a working mom for 6 years now.  When I was on maternity leave, I quickly realized that I could not be a stay at home mom.  The whole, "let me just roll with the punches and do whatever strikes me" thing is a little too unstructured for me, even though I do greatly appreciate the autonomy of my job.  I'm sure that's not what an actual SAHM does, but that's how I viewed it at the time.  Due to school closing for 4-weeks and having to work remotely from home, we'll also be homeschooling.

There are actual homework assignments due each week.  I'm not complaining - I think it's a great idea to keep our kids learning during this time.  Not that they aren't always learning, but you know, "school stuff".  Also, routine and structure.  That may help both of us during the next few weeks.  We can still do fun stuff, of course, but also we can also spend true quality time together rather than half paying attention trying to get things done on a school night or cram things into a weekend. 

Finally, as scary as this time seems at the moment, I do feel like it is all happening for a reason.  The "riff-raff" needs to get cleaned out of the universe.  People need to reprioritize and get rid of the clutter.  We need to see the true value of things again and be kind to one another.  That doesn't mean I'm ready to see a generation die off or put myself or loved ones at risk getting a disease, but I also believe in the greater good a situation.  My hope is that we can achieve a better work-life balance and focus on what really matters again.

Cheers to decluttering, self-care, and the coveted balance...and God have mercy on us!

First Disney Trip: Disney for the non-Disney lover

There are the diehard Disney types who can go over and over again and get just as excited as a kid going for the first time, and then there are the, “What is the big deal?” types who have been a couple times and don’t have it on their top 10 places to go back to.  I was definitely in the second camp.  I’m sure you noticed that I said, “I was”.  Here’s what happened. 

My parents took my brother and me when we were kids – he was 5 and I was 10.  Our grandparents had been and brought us stuff back and we liked our presents.  I had seen all of the princess movies that were out at the time, and owned some Lisa Frank Disney binders for school and some Disney Store things from Lakeside Mall.  That was the extent of it save the senior trip Mandeville High students got to go on, which was a whirlwind tour of three parks in a weekend.  At the time is was Blizzard Beach one afternoon, Magic Kingdom afterhours for Grad Night, Epcot and MGM Studios (now Hollywood Studios).
 
Each time I’d been to Disney, we traveled by car.  I do love a road trip as an adult if we can sightsee along the way or if it’s a short drive, but I generally prefer to fly places if it’s affordable.  Well, my sister-in-law is from Florida and she grew up going to Disney on the regular.  Her love of the parks really became apparent to us when she and my brother started having kids.  Honestly, my parents, I and my husband wondered what the deal was.  We know it’s not a cheap vacation, and we just didn’t understand the allure – kids or not.  They have been annual pass holders multiple years and drive there every time.  Turns out, my brother is a fan now, too. 

Cousins on both sides of the family have been and some of our daughter’s classmates, so even though we weren’t pushing it at home or watching more than “Parent Trap” or “Mary Poppins”, our girl was learning about the current princesses and the classic characters like Mickey and his friends.  Sister-in-law started suggesting that our girl go with them on a trip to try it out.  We agreed without hesitation, knowing she would be in good hands and that we’d likely not be planning our own trip for a few more years.  That idea morphed into, “Hey, do you want to do a girls trip?” and since SIL is a Disney travel agent, we got a nice deal that we thought would be silly to pass up.   

The first week of April, we loaded up our three girls – ages 5, 4, and 2 – in the backseat and my SIL and I in the front and headed to the parks!  Since I hadn’t been in over twenty years and my daughter had never been before, we considered ourselves first timers and the trip was planned so that we would catch the highlights of each park.  Animal Kingdom didn’t exist when I went before and Hollywood Studios was known as MGM Studios.  Both Magic Kingdom and Epcot have both gone through some changes in the span of time between my visits as well.  Fast passes and possibly meal plans (although I was a kid so maybe I just wasn’t aware they existed) were also new things to me this go round. 

The road trip was fun – the girls had the best time singing, coloring, playing games and watching movies.  SIL and I got to catch up and have an adult conversation, which rarely happens during holiday dinners.  Her navigational skills obviously helped a great deal, and her knowledge of the parks and planning skills in general also played a huge role in this trip being a success.  Did the girls get tired of each other?  Of course.  We all got hot and tired, and mine wanted to live at the hotel pool while the other two were more inclined to shop or meet characters.  Overall, though, it really was a nice trip. 

Each day we visited a different park.  The first day we went to Magic Kingdom and while we were there, they happened to have extra Magic Hours, which helped us do more rides than we normally would have.  Turns out, my girl loves rollercoasters!  We ended up in the first car for Seven Dwarfs Mine Train and it hardly phased her.  Every ride we did she wanted to get back in line to do again!  Side note: I love New Orleans’ Mardi Gras parades, but the artistry and professionalism of the Disney parades is truly magical and very impressive. 

The second day we went to Animal Kingdom.  It was a good laid back day, which we needed to recuperate from all the walking we’d done in the Magic Kingdom the day and night before.  Another side note: it was a nice park, but to me, Audubon Zoo is so well done that it’s hard to top even with the special rides and characters.  However, the Mickey and Minnie visit was the best there out of the entire trip.  They were so sweet and spent so much time with my girl I nearly cried.  Maybe that’s when I started to drink the Kool-Aid. 

Our third day was at Hollywood Studios and it was rough.  The park itself is fine, but we were so exhausted from the two previous days that we probably could have all benefitted from a day at the hotel by the pool.  By the way, we stayed at Pop Century.  The cafeteria, the pool, and all of the things to explore and participate in while you’re there can be a vacation in itself.  We did enjoy a late lunch at Brown Derby, however, and got moved to the VIP section to meet Chewbacca, Kylo Ren, and BB-8 because my nieces were dressed so cute.  We skipped the fireworks show that night, however, because we all just needed a break.  We spent the rest of the afternoon and evening by the hotel pool and watched the featured movie, “Ralph Breaks the Internet”. 

The final day of the trip was spent at Epcot.  I’d say it is still my favorite park, and now that I can drink my way around the world (and have a more experienced palate) it’s even better.  It rained and lightninged that night, though, so the fireworks show was canceled.  The Flower and Garden Show was beautiful, and the Eggstravaganza Scavenger Hunt was an added bonus for the girls, as was the princess meet and greet in Norway.
Now we’ve made great memories, seen what it’s all like these days, and can go back after saving up for a while.  There will be other vacations in between.  We still aren’t going to be Disney all the time people, but I can say that I have a much better understanding of my SIL’s love for it, see that an adults-only trip would be a lot of fun, too, and there is certainly a park for everyone.  The trick is convincing my husband why it’s worth it.  Thankfully, Star Wars and The Muppets will help a lot with that.  Also, I could never have planned this trip without the help from my SIL.  I don’t know how people go without a planner to be perfectly honest.  It’s overwhelming with so many options for everything – from the places to stay, fast passes, meal plans, and getting around and to and from the parks. 

First Post of This Year - Whaaatt??

It's June.  I'm dreaming of a beach vacation or even a lakehouse trip.  The year is half over and I had no idea it had been so long since I made an entry.  I have been journaling a lot more, though, and it's rare I both blog and journal at the same time.  Generally, I keep petty and more personal stuff to my journals.  Although I can't speak as freely as I'm thinking with this topic in a blog, this post is something that I think is relatable for most adults, and most definitely curators of any kind.

Lately, it's been very draining and stressful to always be needed.  It's not even been caused by my child or my husband, although, out of everyone they get the most mind.  It seems as though the idea of letting things "just be" is falling by the wayside.  People don't let each other do things their own way.  Everybody has something to say about how else something could or should be done.  The reason why is not important either.  We all think we know better than someone else.  It could be that it's always been done that way so why change it - the old if-it-ain't-broke-don't-fix-it way of thinking.  It could be because you actually did it one way and it didn't work, which certainly carries more weight, but still not be the best option for someone else.  Either way, someone always has to offer their two cents.

Idea sharing is entirely different.  Brainstorming is awesome and happy accidents turn out to be some of the best-unmade plans ever.  BUT sometimes you just need to leave people alone to do their own thing.  I'm sort of talking about personal space and alone time, but more directing my thoughts toward the constant barrage of comments people make either to hear themselves talk or to pester you about something.  They probably don't think they're being annoying or even causing you physical angst, but that also means they need to practice self-awareness - another trait that is severely lacking in today's average human.

Am I guilty of these things, too?  Of course.  I waste time and energy judging my next-door neighbors when I should focus on everything inside the walls of our home and making it as pleasant as possible for us to live here while we have to.  At work, I need to focus on balancing the types of programs I provide and the places where I schedule them rather than getting frustrated with the "squeaky wheels" who are causing me high anxiety and tummy issues.

If it's possible to suffer burnout from the way society is trending these days, I'd say that's what is happening with me. Seeing Broadway plays, like "Kinky Boots" or watching movies like, "The Princess and the Frog" and "Ponyo", where accepting everyone for who they are, provide cultural reminders that there is still hope for humanity.  No wonder I'm dreaming of a vacation - I need to retreat and refresh my mind and my soul.